This module" is about simplifying relationships. Your baby is now wrapped in your energy and will be Sharing your energy until they are 3 when their soul starts to become their own individual being. So it's really important to protect and nurture your energy now you are a mother. I think this really helps baby settled happy baby. This work is part of the growth needed for the birth and the birth of the mother. So what can you do? Lots! Here are some things you can do to protect and nurture our energy:
Journaling - What is coming up for you right now? How are you being guided to grow? What does this mean for your birth?. What is needed opening, forgiving, strength and boundaries, softening ..?..
It is quite well known now that baby feels your emotions. Your emotions are their environment, like the air we breathe. I love the image of the Madonnas Cloak.
"After birth there is changes in the mothers psychological life, ... an intensification of feeling, an out pouring of warmth and protectiveness that ripens into true mothers-love. ..... This out streaming of a mothers soul is pictured as forming a protective cloak around the baby, a Madonna's Cloak, raging out into the environment and affecting the whole atmosphere surrounding the child. Within the cloak there are the weaving of colours, warming, radiant and light filled (or perhaps dull and murky depending upon the quality of the mothers soul life). For the young child the Madonna's Cloak is a spiritual reality for the first three years... Sharing fully her soul life..... It is an intimate relationship, and each subtle change of mood brings a different nuance of colour and tone. The father weaves his own colour and tone Into the cloak. ..... Even doing the wrong thing does no harm provided the Madonna's Cloak is full of warmth, light and lovely colours. ... The quality of the Mothers Cloak is prepared during pregnancy as the mother prepares her soul." (From The Incarnating Child by Joan Salter).
I love this picture as it shows the colours on the mothers energy and aura wrapping up the baby.
Relationship with self
It is really good for clarity to acknowledge where you have come from and where you are now. Then you will be more able to get to where you want to go.
Where have you come from? Write words summarising your life to date. . It can be dot points. Summarise the phases in your life, meaningful milestones or experiences, the good times, the challenges, the accomplishments.
Where are you now? Write where you are sitting. How you are feeling, recoverying, joyful, peaceful, coping, waiting, challenges,
See if you can rephrase it in an enlightened gentle way - learnt this, overcome this, grateful for this, recovering and nurturing myself after this,
Where would you like to go? What does your heart want? If you have clarity on where you have come from, and peace and gratitude with where you are now, and clarity on your dreams, you have a map. Don't worry about the "how". Things have a way of aligning.
What do you need to forgive yourself for?
If this was your daughter, what would you say to her to help her forgive herself?
What is your heart calling you to do now?
Relationships with others
What relationships nurture and support you?
Who listens to you?
Who makes you feel good about yourself and inspired?
Who are you comfortable and relaxed around?
Who do you enjoy talking to?
How can you connect with those people more?
Who in your life drains energy from you?
Who in your life makes you feel tired and low?
Who in your life is a negative voice?
Discerning where forgiveness, opening, softening or strength is needed. One may be showing up more strongly for you in this pregnancy journey which may be a theme" in your motherhood journey. .
If there are challenging people in your life, what do you need to accept about them knowing you can't change them?
How can you manage so your energy is protected? This will be very important when you are a mum.
What boundaries do you need to put in place to protect you and baby and your home?
How can you send them love while protecting yourself?
Stand back, be aware and observe others energy that is dragging you into their drama or draining yours. Often this can be a family member. Just being aware can shift their affect on your energy.
Set boundaries if you need to. Lovingly explaining a boundary you now have if you are comfortable to.
Removing tightening anger and frustration.
Writing a letter to a person is a good way to get frustrated, angry emotions out of our body and then, importantly, immediately burning it and releasing that energy for the universe to take care of. Releasing the need to teach this person, and trusting life and the universe to send all the perfect lessons.
Is there anyone you need to soften more to?
Is there anyone you need to open up to forgiving? Forgiveness takes time. It is difficult to decide to forgive someone and feel it. I find deciding to open up to the possibility of forgiving in the future is what helps it to just come. It is like opening an energetic door for things to begin to align. Here is one story that helps is (souls talking in heaven).
Is there anything or anyone you need to open up more to?
What three things to let go of?
What three things to call in for you to be the mother you want to be.
You can wtite these on a piece of paper and burn this to send to the universe or bury it to give to Mother Earth or a tree to transform the energy.
Understanding your partner
New fathers today are facing a new frontier and there can be a lot of unconscious fears when facing fatherhood. Gentle Parenting is very different to what they had modelled to them. The only image of fathering they have is one that comes home to a tidy home and dinner, sits in the lounge chair at night and gives an authoritative voice when needed. Fathers may not feel connected to baby, which may be a result of their early childhood.
Now, mothers are more earthy and heart centred, giving their baby more connection and stronger attachment. Extended breast feeding, feeding on demand and different sleeping arrangements can add to feelings of disconnect. Deeper feelings can arise as fathers watch their baby receive connection and nurturing that they once craved, but never received. Old abandonment wounds, also from previous break ups, can surface. On a more surface level it's hard for a new dad who wants to soothe baby but he doesn't have the boobs. Husbands can feel lost or inadequate, especially walking down the nappy isle in the supermarket (picture the nsilmand screw isle in Bunnings for us).
Men generally don't check in with their feelings or talk about them like women do, so fathers struggling mental health can look like working long hours, smoking, drinking, swearing more, going to the gym more, to name a few. When there is frustrations, tiredness and stress, it's easy to fall back on what we know with authorative Parenting. .
Supporting your partner
* Help him feel capable by giving him little tasks to do with baby, encouraging and acknowledging him.
* Create opportunities for him to connect - holding while baby is asleep, kissing goodnight, reading stories,
* Acknowledge if he has a suggestion that really helps
* Acknowledge the space he is holding for you
* Find one or two things that you can do with baby, that aren't too overwhelming, that gives husband a feeling of getting out and enjoying life still. For me it was going to a cafe on the weekend. I didn't really want to sit there with my baby but that was my husbands enjoyment.
* Find one or two things you can still do to nurture your husband so he still feels your love. Even making a cup of tea in the evening is a gesture, buying a bakery desert when you are out.
* Try really try to not bite your husbands head off when he brings home the wrong muesli and you are so tired and really really wanted that item.
* Have Grace with his little stuff ups. He's leaning and he is probably giving you lots of Grace. If not now, in a few years time when mummy fog really sets in, you will need Grace! I once cut up grass in a chicken pie thinking it was chives.
Understanding a mother
We are doing it differently now. We aren't living in villages and we aren't sending our children off to the workforce at age 4. Mothering is also very different now to how it was a generation earlier. We aren't telling our children to be quiet, giving them a smack, sending them to their rooms, letting them cry themselves to sleep or all of the above above. We aren't giving them nourishing milk and energy from our bodies till only 3 months then feeding them jars of baby food and Heinz spaghetti.
Now women are much more connected to our hearts, intuition and instincts and are more aware, mindful and conscious. We can hear our hearts and our body speak clearly and strongly to us and we listen. We actually can't not listen or follow this strong intuition anymore than we can cut off our right arm. This is only good for your children and family. This will develop such amazing lovely gentle, more enlightened little humans and connection that you can't even imagine right now. It will also bring you closer to your heart.
Instead, today our mothering is responding to our child's emotional needs, feeding them on demand, helping them get to sleep, cooking five nutritious organic meals a day, learning what to do with kale, reflecting and working on keeping our patience,, reading books on conscious parenting and how to mindfully raise confident calm children with self esteem and self love.
While we are concentrating on raising our children gently, we are usually being very hard on ourselves. Doubting ourselves, feeling guilty over this or that and just not good enough at a, b and c, coping with criticism from at least one family member, feeling self conscious with the inlaws who do things differently, feeling a level of anxiety over how to care for this precious vulnerable baby that depends on you every minute day and night, feeling pressure to return to work soon and to find at least one item of clothing that we actually feel good in. We are navigating a barrage of advice from seemingly everyone around us, most of which doesn't reasonate with us and asks us to cut off that right arm, and as we are new at this we don't have confidence in ourselves so our mind starts going into self doubt and wrestles with our heart and instincts.
As we deal with this mentalmand emotional load, we are calmly managing grizzles and upsets and trying to get the little one to nap,, wiping bottoms and floors after interrupted sleep with a smile, laughter, and grace .... most of the time. The intensity of our work is lower level compared to 9-5. But we don't get a 5-9 rest. We are 24/7 for several years to come. A 5 or 10 min or 1 hour break helps. But we are doing a marathon of hours that lasts years now. But we will do it with all our heart and love and gratitude and grace. Mothering is more emotionally draining and overwhelming than ever and we need someone to hold a space for us. To be gentle, protective, unconditional and grace giving with us. The same as we are outpouring to our children and holding for them. .
Top Ten ways how to support your wife as a mother.
Supporting your wife's mothering when others are giving advice and telling her to do things different. Step in and putting your hand on her shoulder and saying "I think she is doing a great job". This immediately puts you in awesome dad and husband category.
Reminding her what a great job she is doing. This means so much in our tiring day to day life of wiping bottoms, etc
Take baby while she has a shower, or goes for a walk once a day.
Baby wear when out and about. Hugely attractive to a woman.
Put baby in the car and take baby out of the car.
Be relaxed and comfortable with the tidiness of the house. Dishes in the sink, clean laundry in a pile. This will improve in 5 years.
Help with meals
Help with dishes. There should be a bumper sticker "if you want to improve your sex life, do the dishes". Just picture doung dishes for several people, three times a day for the rest of your life. (Look forward to the day baby joins in the roster!) .
Choose one or two roles that help the most Eg bath, grocery shopping pick up, dishwasher, setting up the bedtime,
Prove your empathy for your baby s emotions so your wife feels happy to leave the baby with you.
Hold a space for her
How to hold a space for mother
* Truly assess how are you feeling? Are their work or financial pressures causing stress? Are you feeling unloved, neglected and abandoned? If you can become aware of what's going on in you, then you can talk about it and that opens up avenues, and relieves a whole lot of unspoken pressure and resentment from the pot (home) which your child would be feeling.
* Find alignment in parenting style. This may take months, but keep talking, read and be open minded to more than what you know and have experienced in your childhood. There are so many good articles and books out there. So read. Read together. Read for your child.
* Look for things to acknowledge. You will find them. This can really shift the energy in the home from negative to positive. Having the acknowledgement of your husband is a powerful thing. You don't really need much else. Try to develop Grace with other things. Consider it depositing good energy into the bank.
* Just get over the dishes in the sink and pile of clean laundry. Or better still, chip in. This is normal.
* protect and support her if family or others challenge her mothering. There is nothing more powerful to shut down a conversation as the husband being in support of the mother. A little comment like "I think she does an amazing job" is gold.
* Find how you can "fit in". I can't think of a better way to phrase this. Two or three little things to help out but make a world of difference. It is about finding your groove, being part of the team, overcoming feelings of being left out. For us right now it is dishwasher stacking and Saturday mornings at the park with daddy.
* Find what helps you connect to your child and know your time will come. There is nothing like the excitement of a toddler or preschooler when daddy comes home.
* Know that as your baby and toddler grow, you will start to see and appreciate the lovely child they are becoming, which can lead to a new found deep appreciation of how they have been mothered.
* Know how important your role of just holding the space is. Husbands comfortable and allowing presence, is wonderful. You are the energetic roof over your family. Their shelter, just like the statue.
This 'holding the space', is so much more significant than just intermittent practical help. It is when the husband truly understands and truly appreciates, that he truly holds the space. It makes such a difference to the energy of the home. Everything and everyone can flourish from here. I truly hope all families find this.
Meditation - check in with emotions where are you now/self nurture
The colours of your energy clear, peaceful,, soft and loving